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Belief Is What Will Bring Us Down

by Will Hattman

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1.
i hope you realize we're at war and if you put that on it means the other side's already won i'm born a new man every day i show my face and make the founding fathers proud to call me son and i wanna sin away my cough sin away my cough today i'm my own man and i don't need the mainstream media or government or my doctor or my kids or you the only way i know i'm free is to do the opposite of everything that i'm supposed to do and i wanna sin away my cough sin away my cough today and i wanna sin away my cough and cough up all my sweat and sweat out all my teeth and bite off a piece of my nose and sneeze on seven cops and cop out on my sins
2.
i call that a rescue done right under cover of night no way of hiding no more a crowbar to every front door i think i loved you long ago but i was too good at saying no it made me a mermaid to learn that you only drown when i burn i wish i had smiled back back then i'm always playing pretend that could have been me under the sun i oughta go back and throttle someone
3.
can't bear to see you with your eyes closed not supposed to sleep until your mind goes you're supposed to stare up at the ceiling with nothing to say as memories of your day get further and further away can we please not dwell on your successes that neither stresses nor depresses you're supposed to cry out cuz your guts hurt almost all of the time i think it's so funny when you act like this isn't your life let's play some pictionary i'll go first
4.
can she take it will she crack under the stress can she take it let's watch her make a fucking mess get as close as you can so you can get a look at her face somebody has to remind the most vulnerable people of their place again again again again again can she take it she owes us better than her best can she take it what do you see underneath her dress who does she think she is to dress and act that way some kind of free adult human being or something she's breaking the rules and making it look like god made a mistake tomorrow we'll make new rules for how she should have looked today again again again again again
5.
it's got no class it just stares back i don't know what you want it for it's not well made for the price you paid i don't know what you want it for it's not your style and the weather here is mild i don't know what you want it for it just lacks taste it's so in your face i don't know what you want it for don't you get sick and tired of always being you i know i do and i think, he's not funny and also not sincere get me out of here and it's like, how pathetic can any one person be i guess we'll see
6.
i'll never know what could have been if i had stayed above the ground why did i crush the only miracle that i had ever found we ached from carrying inside a love with nowhere else to go but when you took me in your arms i acted like i didn't know i can't forget the way you looked at me like i deserved your eyes i wish to god i'd known what i know now in 1995 i learned a long long time ago to stop my tears before they start but i should have never let you go i should have given you my heart
7.
Campfire 04:15
i've lived here for ten years i moved here for the beer and for a show on ifc as a longtime resident i'm sick of seeing all these tents this city's really suffering and no one suffers more than me i'm trying to eat this sushi such misery in our midst i shouldn't have to live like this if i had a kid he'd be afraid we've gotta clean up this mess keep portland weird but not like this i'm sick of playing voters' games suppose we try our hand with flames when you pay your taxes you expect a certain courtesy what's the point of prisons if they can't be used on poverty the way these people take up space ain't right let's put this problem out of sight if you can't get a job you don't deserve your life we're gonna take it back tonight i'm liberal at heart but things have gone too far they're hurting my home equity with gasoline i come one bad day and then it's done we're gonna wash this city clean and take it back to 2013 when i bought my first property and made it an airbnb and i could eat my sushi without this negative energy i miss my quirky city it's not the way it used to be no i will not vote for new housing because it's all too ugly this way is better for me this way is better
8.
9.
you gotta be down here with me to get it you very well might die before you do this thing'll just break your back if you let it and we all seem determined to you just can't tell anyone how to play it until one of you runs out of food all ready to bust some doors off the hinges and make off with the national mood belief is what will bring us down
10.
do you feel it twisting in your side were you really crying when you cried nothing i did could make it go away i don't have a real strong sense of what to say do you need a blanket for your feet should i keep pouring drinks until you speak it's coming to get me once it's through with you i don't have a real strong sense of what to do i think you put your face on backwards
11.
Scow 04:01
left turn head on all of the right things become wrong one day right move wrong guy all of my heartache in real time yes way got another life where this doesn't happen got another one where we're still ok rug burn soul-wise everything i ever dreamed of turned sour no man no cry nothing can ever replace that good time got another life where i don't confront you got another one where i don't find out got one where we don't get close in the first place got one where i don't leave my mom's house but now i crawl back to you there was nothing i could do except to crawl back to you there was nothing i could do

credits

released August 12, 2022

written, performed, and recorded by Will Hattman, 2021
mixed by Skyler Norwood at Miracle Lake Studios, 2021–22
mastered by Gus Elg at Sky Onion, 2022
cover photo by Joel Riggs
released by Cavity Search Records
CSR 169

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Will Hattman Portland, Oregon

increasingly old person

cavity search records

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